I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
