The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
