I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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