I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
