Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
