it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
