when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
