Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
