Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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