You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
