take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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