Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
