she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
