Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
