It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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