WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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