It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
