i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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