She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
