drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
