I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
