omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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