its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
