his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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