shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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