there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
