i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
