I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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