tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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