either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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