i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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