He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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