The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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