Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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