dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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