Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
