i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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