epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
