i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
