I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
