I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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