you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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