Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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