He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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