everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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