I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
