He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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