someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
