Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
