I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
MIDGETS
????
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
