For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize