wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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