If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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