I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize