This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
