I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
