so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
