She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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