u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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