ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
