Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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