I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
