So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
