did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drunk is not a location!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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