Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
