guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You took a bar mat shot.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I had to cum in my sink.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
