I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
