The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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